She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
