people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
