May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Randomize
