You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Randomize
