Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
