There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
