So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
