you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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