i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
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