big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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