I CAN MOONWALK!
i was born a porn star she said
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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