So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I know her cup size but not her name....
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