So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Randomize
