I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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