Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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