She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
