This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Randomize
