Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
