Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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