He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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