He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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