so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
