my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
