..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Randomize
