Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Randomize
