just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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