I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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