East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
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