His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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