Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
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