I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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