This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
