New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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