Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
