just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
