i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
