Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I'm at about main and main street
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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