Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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