I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
