Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
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