I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
