I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Randomize
