it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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