phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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