fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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