Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
