My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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