Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
