Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
