just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
