She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I touched a dick in church today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize