whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
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