so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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