my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
