I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
where are you?
Hypothermia
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
