this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
