Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
