she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
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