if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
