Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.