Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
