i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
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Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
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He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...