she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!