Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
