I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize
