he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.