Your tits are I can't wait for
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision