Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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