I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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